Imagine having the ability to have a loved one who passed away be with you on all your adventures, to be able to hold them when you need them the most, or just to feel their presence near you whenever you'd like no matter where you are in your life.  Now imagine that you're a child having lost someone who meant the world to you or that you never imagined not having around and how you're supposed to continue on in life when part of you feels gone.  *TOUGH Bear is an idea that came to me after a domino effect of similar circumstances that has led me to be able to participate in some incredible experiences.
     The TOUGH in Tough Bear stands for Teddies Opening Up Grieving Hearts.  A lot like the bear represents, I have tried to put on a tough exterior trying to do my best to love and be there for people when all I wanted was to feel that unconditional love again from the family I had lost.
     Tough Bear is a special stuffed animal that accompanies a book about a young person that has lost a loved one and can't sleep because of the sadness in his heart.  While contemplating his thoughts and feelings the person notices that they have a teddy bear that has a zipper opening on its chest.  It looks like it has a hole in his heart.  On the right foot of the bear is a purple heart that says TOUGH, yet the person realizes that the bear can't be so tough when it has a hole in his heart just like the person is feeling at that moment.  The person decides to help the bear fill his heart by placing pictures, memories, and anything that will help them feel happy about their loved one in his zipper pocket and zip it up to keep the memories safe and to close up the hole in the bear's heart.  In turn the person can hug the bear and have something tangible to hold that has a memory of their loved one inside.  The person starts to feel  more relaxed because he has helped the bear and in turn has helped himself through a difficult time.
     The book and bear are geared toward young children who have lost a loved one and they can keep and have it with them until they feel like they are ready to move on to new ways of keeping their loved one's memories alive.  My hopes are that those who receive TOUGH BEAR can then pay it forward by offering their bear and book to a child or young person in need so that the memories of loved ones come together and are felt by many.
     I have so many ideas for the bear and book and just getting started in the simplest manner has been difficult enough, but I am doing it....FINALLY.  I created Tough Bear out of a Deseret Industries find and have decided to put my words in to action by taking him with me on my adventures especially those I wish I could have done with my own parents.  Knocking off some bucket list items all at once, and the journey has barely begun.
     As I am writing this I have goosebumps and a smile on my face because despite how constantly sad and lonely I feel there is always something that I can find and turn my thoughts to other than myself to help me become a better and more loving person and to help those around me.   "To love and be loved is the greatest joy on earth" is a favorite quote of mine because it hits the nail on the head of how I feel most often in my life.  Keep your eyes out for more info and adventures and thank you for all your support and if you're still reading this....I LOVE YOU!!!!!
Until we meet again,
Heidi Bear

*TOUGH BEAR came to me while sitting on an airplane flying home from Maryland a couple summers ago.  It was my second time volunteering as a Cabin Big Buddy for bereavement (grief) camps for a foundation called Camp Erin.  Children ages 6-18 who have suffered the loss of a loved one are given an opportunity to attend a weekend getaway to a special camp that is centered around activities to help them in the grieving process of their loved ones.  There are group discussions, trust activities, candlelight vigils, art/music/dance therapy, writing courses, memory makers, as well as swimming, archery, hiking, carnivals, ice cream and dance parties, and so many other wonderful fun ways for everyone to bond.
     Each camper when they arrive is given a few necessities to help them "survive" the weekend.  This may include a backpack, a stuffed animal/toy, flashlight, water bottle, t-shirt, and their own special badge so everyone can get to know each other.  I loved that everyone got a stuffed toy to hold in case they were feeling homesick, or missing their loved one, or just needed something to hug.  So, apparently that is where my brain went on a whirlwind that weekend and how the TOUGH BEAR idea was born.